btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
