he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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