Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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