if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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