I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
