Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
