ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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