He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
