Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
