That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
