are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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