so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
