i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
