I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
