Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
