FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize