what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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