remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
