i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
