you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize