i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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