YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
