I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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