I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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