Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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