guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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