Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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