the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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