Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
