I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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