My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize