you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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