why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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