dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
