Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
