Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
