Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
