As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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