BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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