You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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