ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
