On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
