Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
