Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
