I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
