I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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