She's the barista slut.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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