Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you inspire me to be a worse person
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
