Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
