guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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