could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and she was petting her beer can
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
