All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
