i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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