the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
