two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize