i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
