my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
