Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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