who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
