I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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