plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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