I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
