it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was confusing and full of hummus
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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