did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
