OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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