im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize