It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
