she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
