please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your cock deserves a montage
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
