he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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