Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
