Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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