Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
