marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just tell him i said nine months
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
