hotel room ftw
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
