Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
