White coat. Heels.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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