The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
