youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You can't special order awesome
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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