somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
