I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
