i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
