Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have tasted many bathrooms
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
