Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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