I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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