Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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