Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
