So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
