I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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