so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
